Who would’ve said that breaking up in a relationship is an easy thing to do, especially with no proper closure?
The internet went crazy over the issue of actress LJ Reyes and actor Paolo Contis recent breakup after Reyes broke her silence concerning the ‘twisted information’ about their split that has been circulated online.
During the exclusive interview with King of Talk Boy Abunda on Wednesday, September 1, the actress pays an effort to face the camera to clarify things between her and her husband, with Tito Boy who helps Reyes short out things from the emotional interview.
Although the relationship is over between Reyes and Contis, whether good or bad, there is always a lesson behind it. You just have to look at it from a positive perspective.
Here are some takeaways we can learn from them that might help us to realize when the same things went our way:
1. Trust your gut
Sometimes we seldom set aside our instincts because we are afraid that our way of thinking might actually be wronged. We keep ignoring what our intuition is telling us because it doesn’t serve the best intentions of our hearts. Even, we know for a fact that what we feel will never be far from what we think, we still hold on and avoid believing.
However, the time comes when everything seems to be failing and our expectations towards our partner are getting lower because plenty of times there wasn’t quite right about. And that’s the time when we need to be consciously aware of what our guts might be telling us so that we can make our next big decision.
2. Open communication
However, before making big decisions, you must communicate first. Understanding your partner’s inner world without communicating with them is perhaps one of the trickiest issues in a relationship. Having a communication issue is common within a relationship, it even becomes more challenging when the other party tries to communicate but the other one has an avoidant style. Thus, this failed attempt will lead to escalated conflict. So, to move forward, you need to communicate the “whys” and keep those facts in line.
3. It’s totally possible to let go, no matter how serious you were
Despite the depth of the relationship you have had with your children and your partner, it is very much possible to let go. Believing that letting go can break you but in the long run, you’ll realize that you can’t continue living the same pain every day, so you must cut the ties by yourself. If the situation repeatedly peels you off, then walk away. This realization will allow you to move forward. As much as it may hurt, every ending is not always a failure.
4. You can’t change a person
Love is a verb and not a noun, so you can’t expect a person to change. Remember when you think you already know your partner because you’ve been for a long time. Or it might be the situation when you’re trying to tell your partner not to do things you don’t like but they are still repeatedly doing it. Perhaps because they’re not paying attention or they do have other terms already set for themselves.
It may be hard to admit but you should learn this the hard way -there’s no way for you to change a person, even when your life partners. If your significant other truly tries to change, they do it themselves -not you. And if your partner keeps displeasing you, then that could be a sign that he loses interest, or perhaps he’s not liking the change. Unless someone is committed to a new goal to follow you then that might be a lasting change in their life.
5. Don’t allow other people to influence your decision
It’s human to want to change, and vocalizing about what you needed is scary but you needed to tell that story to protect yourself.
Allowing another person’s bad energy to come into you is the unhealthiest thing to do. They have nothing to do with what is happening, therefore don’t get the advice you think cannot change the story you tell yourself. Not because you’re likely the giver or the most patient in your relationship, doesn’t mean you will be playing the same role for them to stay. If you keep that mindset, it will make you feel depleted. You cannot let what is happening in your life stop you from living.
6. Find your anchor
No matter how independent you are, “No man is an island” -you can’t do it all alone. When your mind is tangled and cannot be able to think smart, it’s time to reflect on and think about who you can tap for support. It may be your kids (if you have), your family and friends, or your future self. Be the strength you always want to have and draw your decision from them. Finding a support system outside of your partner to hold into during your darkest times could be of help for you to reinforce self-worth and have wise decisions.
7. Keep your faith
Whatever you believe in and whatever situation or what you’re going through right now, just keep your faith. No one can take your faith from you. When people are down and feel alone, their faith is the only thing that keeps them strong to survive.
8. It’s OK to be alone and feel sad
Just be in the moment. Don’t feel sorry about what you’re going through right now. Breaking up is really hard and the person who is part of your world is no longer there. But just remember that it will be in the meantime. When you are feeling the most unwanted emotions and thoughts, be selfish because the only person you have to worry about is yourself. While you may feel sad now (which is totally fine), eventually you’ll look back having learned the most out of it.
9. Blaming is immature
After a breakup, we know that waking up in the morning is one of the hardest and pretending to be Ok is the biggest contradiction. However, you need to keep moving in order to live. It is tempting to point fingers but if blaming your partner for the situation you have right now, is your coping mechanism, well don’t mask it with an extensive and stupid reality. Do not blame anyone -your partner has taken the choice -learn to accept it.
It’s normal to feel guilty and angry, but neither of you was ever perfect. Acting independently for the happenings is scary but being responsible is also a power to prove and steers you towards tough situations. It’s time to move forward and take responsibility for your own good.
10. Don’t be afraid to start something new
After the most devastating breakup, start small. Some studies suggest that making subtle yet effective changes to your routine and environment can offer a fresher perspective. Contrary to popular belief that a drastic haircut could cure heartaches, no it doesn’t work that way. It’s time to destroy associations and start living on your own, like moving across the country or cutting connections.
It’s classic to human conditioning, to fall out of love, so you have to pick up your pieces again to begin anew.
Photo Credit: www.facebook.com/OfficialLJReyes
