My friends kept on asking me what we were. All I could ever tell them was you were an ex-something, an ex-maybe, an ex-almost.
We started in the most unexciting way—as friends. I thought you were just like any other close friend until we were spending too much time with each other. We were used to texting each other every now and then but you suddenly texted me on mornings and nights—,’til my days were all about you. Our small talks slowly turned to long conversations keeping me up until morning. You’ve always known how hard it was for me before staying up late but with you, it just happened.
Suddenly, we were doing all the things a normal couple would do. We went on dates, we watched movies, we were close to each other’s families but there’s one thing we did not do—hindi natin nilinaw kung ano ba talaga tayo.
Rule of the thumb is to never date a friend you don’t want to lose and I took the risk. I know that if it was going to fail, I’d lose you forever. Maybe I was really wrong to expect that things would always turn out my way. We were happy, we really were. We told ourselves it’s all or nothing and unfortunately, we went down to nothing.
I was sure that the feelings between us were mutual until you met someone who’s exactly your type and she was definitely more exciting than me. You were so into her even if you just met her. You then started giving mixed signals and they were too much to handle. Turns out I was wrong with every single thing I assumed—we can never be more than friends.
My friends kept on telling me that I should have not liked you in the first place but I didn’t listen. Let me tell you this, you were a risk I was willing to take. I wanted our friendship back but I know you can never be “just friends” with a man you love.
You were asking me why I was suddenly avoiding you and I can never tell you that the reason is I’ve fallen for you completely and I thought you were mine to keep. Maybe we were really bound to be nothing more than a friend and I should have not wanted anything more than that.
I was wrong for hoping that there was something for us but I know I wasn’t wrong that you were almost mine. I know at some point, the feelings were mutual but we weren’t sure back then. It has been a year and I’ve moved on. Thank you for teaching me lesson that actions don’t always speak louder than words ’cause you acted like you loved me but you never said so—and I was wrong for completely relying on what I felt.
*This letter was sent in to Woman.ph as an open letter entry, names have been changed for the sender’s privacy and protection, while certain portions of the letter were edited by our writers for publishing purposes.